a lonely companion

I am feeling tired and depressed. I just can't handle the cold weather and lack of sunshine. You would think with an arsonal of meds, I would be able to take on winter. Ugh!

The Blue blues

fI woke to a beautiful blue, morning sky, just screaming at me to get up! I covered my eyes and ears to avoid the obvious.  But something was painfully wrong with this picture. The screaming in my head continued and I realized it was my grandson just wanting me to get up. Thankfully, grandpa took him to breakfast so I could catch a few more zzz's! When they arrived home in two hours, I knew that I would not be getting out of bed today. It had happened. I tried to deny for weeks, but, it slammed me into immediate guilt--I was in a full-blown depressive state. What had started out as the "blues" last week, now had taken on a definite shape. A fog, devoid of color and creativity. Who I am had come to a screeching halt!
Time for auto-pilot to kick in. First, find a show to entertain my grandson, scattered with snacks and juice boxes. Second, make the cancellation calls while still in a lucid state. Cancel dinner plans, call in sick for teaching Sunday School and get someone to pick-up teaching materials. Check.
Two days of accountability taken care of. It's amazing how fast I can coordinate getting out of obligations, when I'm depressed, but yet so draining to move forward.
For, now, depression has kicked my butt. I'll take some time to sleep and figure a plan out of this.

My hearts

Valentine hearts bring a smile to my face ;-) First, I love pink, red, fushcia, peach, and purple! Now, those colors inspire me to be creative. I had a great time cutting, glueing, stringing, and framing hearts. I, also, had a delicious time eating some dark, chocolate hearts ~ Yum!

Winter Blues

I am so tired of winter. Blahs have turned to the blues. It has been too cold to even go anywhere; if, I even felt like it. Combine the cold, gray weather with the fact the I have three Child Care review classes in one week and you get mood swings. I completed First Aid tonight; next week Child Abuse on Valentine's Monday and more on Thursday night. I teach preschool on Tuesday afternoons. It seems like too much review for too little teaching. Well, the next time I come back, I pray that I am not feeling so blue.

Brain food

The weather has been cold, snowy, and gray. Some of my worst enemies. Some days, I don't even get out of my pajamas or even take a shower. (Have I typed that before?) On an icy night, last week, I decided to make rich, fudge brownies. Now, this is not something that I normally do at 9:00 p.m. Mostly, because I don't like to eat anything after dinner, and also, because it was just comfort food. What's the expression--feed the depression, starve the anxiety or is it the other way around?! Regardless, I ate the brownie and did not feel the least bit guilty! I guess that means that I don't always have to follow my rules ;-)

Dust off the cobwebs!

It has been a long time since I have posted on or even read my blog. I must say that the cobwebs of my mind are no longer so negative. Time has been good to me. My mental health has definitely improved and the credit goes to God. Letting go and letting Him work through me has made a tremendous difference in my mood. Now, I feel that I can be more objective while dealing with Mental Disorders. Looking forward to a great year, full of changes ;-)